I've been trying to work up the courage to sit down and update here for a good few days now, feeling a fraud because I don't know where to start. I have all kinds of ideas and thoughts and opinions and I spend hours and hours reading and feeling things about the things I read and reading things into the things I feel about the things I read, and then e-mailing everyone from my mom to the high school friend I haven't seen since high school, writing them these long, brilliant letters full of all the things I should be writing on my blog instead.
I don't know if it's like this for them as well, but for me, the writing of all these letters is all about the way it feels to have my fingers fly accross the keys, things pouring out of me which, when I look back on them, often end up being some of the best writing I've done.
But then I can't use it, because it's already been given away, because repeating it in a story or on my blog takes away all of the fun of the telling, takes away the essence captured in the original... And I sit in front of my computer screen, fingers on the keyboard, trying to recapture that feeling I had a moment ago as I sat in this very spot, typing that e-mail to my mom, and nothing happens.
So what I've decided is that instead of receiving all these letters from me, the ones that suck all the creativity out of me, that use up all the fresh ideas I have, everyone is simply going to have to read my blog if they want to know what's going on with me.